Droplets of Life
by SweetasHoney27
Summary: Storybrooke is put under a curse. David Nolan is in a coma, Mary Margaret is looking for happiness, Emma is working as a nurse, Regina is the mayor and well-Cora, Gold, Tamara and Greg are the only ones who know. Who can save Storybrooke? (Captain Swan and Gremma!) (:
1. Prolouge

We're all just droplets on a car falling down a window, and falling down with the other billions of water droplets. We're only thought of for a split second. But maybe we are more than that. Our lives are haphazard collections of vague images, maybes, and dreams left undreamt. We live our lives to what our personal standard of living is, but some of us are just surviving truly. Never really trying to enjoy the little luxuries society places on us, just trying to make it to the next day to start all over again.

Sometimes the idea of living scares people. The constant fears and hardships that life seem to present to us, strikes fear into your very soul. Sometimes life dredges up the past and never lets us go move into the future. And then those poor, pitied souls are left feeling the bitterness created by the pasts' wake. Left to mull in the cold confines of our society, never truly freed, never feeling the warmth of societies section of comfort.

But the past is just synapses firing, and the future is just purely imagination. A dream that is dreamt for ourselves. But it is only just a dream. All that is left is the present. Dreams, a gift to some and a burden to others. Beyond our bodies, our experiences and dreams will mean nothing. It will keep raining. Other droplets will beat out the old and this process will continue until the end of time. But everyone's goal, like the water droplet, is just for a split second, for someone to realize that they are there. To know that there was once a droplet with their name. It will keep raining. We could melt into the forest floor and all our memories; all of our unfulfilled dreams will melt with us. We're just thought embodied in flesh. We're just dreams flittering away into nothingness.


	2. Chapter 1

Emma pressed a kiss to Henry's sleeping form. She tucked the blankets tighter around the small boy, before turning the light off and shutting the door softly. Emma wandered into the kitchen and looked out the window. The night was cold, due to the rain that was hurdling to the earth. Emma sighed, checking that the window was locked, and shut the small lacy curtains.

Emma shrugged off her boots and was left in socks as she padded to the door and locked it, with a satisfying 'click!' She paused. She thought she heard a rustling from upstairs. It stopped. 'Must have been the rain.' She thought as she moved to make herself tea. She flicked on some music and began to clean up the kitchen from dinner. It was a little past eleven and Emma was looking to relax a little. Henry was going to spend the next week with Regina, and with Cora still looking for her revenge, Emma was tense. Emma put her hands on the island.

"What did you get yourself into Em?" She asked herself softly. "I don't know love, what did you?" A voice suddenly broke her out of her concentration. "What?" She asked. She looked up to see Captain Hook standing in her living room. "Never the mind then, we can talk about it shortly." He said. Suddenly, Emma was smacked in the back of the head with a hard object, and her world went dark.

* * *

Chapter 1

I blinked my eyes painfully open. I could see faint outlines in my clouded and blurred vision, but I couldn't distinguish exactly who they were. "She's waking up." A voice said. I knew the voice. "Well Greg, I mean, she wasn't going to stay completely knocked out forever. Hook, I'm surprised you knocked her out for this long. Neal described her as tough...obviously she isn't too tough." A female voice hissed. I knew who it was. Tamara. I had been right. I blink rapidly. I am met with the dangerous eyes of Tamara. "Hello Emma." She says. I don't break gazes with her, but I feel my hands and feet are bound by leather on the table. I can't move.

"I knew it was you." I said shaking my head. She laughs, as if we're old friends sharing a good joke about the past. "Emma, I must say my dear, what did Neal ever see in you?" She asks. I narrow my eyes. "It doesn't matter anyways darling, you won't have to watch me love him any longer, no," She said. I look at her. Think Emma. "I think we'll take Henry. It'll be easy to cover up your death." She says deep in thought. I see Hook looking at her. "You never said you'd kill her," He says. Tamara looks up. "Excuse me, don't you have a man to kill yourself?" She asks. Hook stares her down.

"Besides which, we can always break our deal, and tell the crocodile where you are." She said. He stays quiet. I hear banging followed by the sound of Regina. "Regina," I whisper. "Where did you take my son?" I ask with venom in my voice. She laughs. "To Neal's apartment. He thinks there was a change in plans." She says. "You can't do this, I won't let you do this." I hiss. "You won't have a choice." She says. "Neal wouldn't forgive you," I say angrily. She laughs. "Like I care what that idiot thinks. Listen, I know you're concearned for your son, but I'll take good care of him." She says. "Neal would know you killed me, he's not that stupid." I say angrily. "Neal will be dead. Don't you see Emma? He's how I got to YOU." She said.

"I will not allow my son to be without a father. I don't care if I die, but I am not allowing you to kill Neal." I hiss. "Greg can be his father." She says smiling wickedly. I can hear Regina screaming. "Apparently, he couldn't wait to kill her first. No matter." She said. She moves to grab two cords. "Emma, let me introduce you to a lie detector machine. It will tell me if you are lying." She said. I blink angrily. She attached the cords to my head before flicking the machine on. I stare at her. "Where are the town records?" She asks. "I don't know." I lie. I feel a huge shock trail through my body. I let out a scream.

She shuts the machine off. "Let's try this again Emma, where are the records?" She asks. "In my office." I say out of breath. "Was that so difficult?" She asks. I see Greg come in from the corner of my eye. "You brought her here?" He asks. "Of course I did. The source for all the hope in this damned town." She says. "You can't hurt her, I mean, not without C-" He went to say. "Cora? No. She knows about Emma, in fact," Tamara says. I see a purple haze and then Cora is standing in front of me. "Holy shit." I say. She smiles sickly sweet at me. "Emma, silly, naive Emma. Did you really think you would win? Did you truly believe you would be saved by a man you betrayed?" She asks.

I stare at her, unfazed. "Oh well." She says with a simple laugh. "Cora," I hear Hook breathe. "Ah yes, Captain Hook. I have your hand, right here, as promised." She said. "Where's Tamara?" Greg asks. "With Neal. It's been me all along you silly boy." She says. Cora pulls Hook's hand out from a bag. With a poof its back on his hand. His eyes widen in wonder. He clenches his fist, as if to see it's realness. "Now, I have a plan." She says eyeing me. "And my sweet, dearest Emma, it involves every part of you. This town deserves for it to be the way it was before you came here, my daughter deserves her happiness." She says.

I see Regina get dragged in by a man. Regina locks gazes with mine. I can see her shock that Cora stands here. I stare definitely at Cora. "So this is why, I have the curse on this town, with a little twist." She says. I look at her. "You see, if you don't have your memories, you won't be able to start this little 'saviour' thing of yours will you? No. So, I am making it so you are blissfully unaware of yourself. In fact, in this adorable little curse which Rumpelstiltskin gave me, you won't even remember your name. None of them will. Snow White will be Mary Margaret, David Nolan in a coma, and Regina will be Queen and have Henry and her memories." She said.

"You can't do that," I growl. "Oh can't I?" She asks. "Well, Hook, well should I say his true name now, Killian, helped me the whole way. Goodbye Emma." She says. I can't move, I can only scream as she smashes the purple bottle in her hands, and the whole world is reduced to a purple fog.

* * *

_The First Day_

I moved towards the door of my apartment. I was changed into my scrubs and I was ready to help some people today. I made sure my glasses were firmly on my nose before heading down the stairs. I started to walk out of the building, backpack on my shoulders. Graham waited for me. "Always out of the apartment last," He said laughing. I smiled. "You're a man. I'm a girl. It's expected that I take longer," I said kissing him. He pulled my waist closer to his.

Graham and I started to walk away. I saw Madame Mayor walking ahead of us, with her boy Henry. His face was downcast as he kicked rocks. "Madame Mayor, good morning," I said with a warm smile. She turned. Henry stopped. "Miss Swan," She said. "How are you…feeling?" She asked. "Lovely, thank you for asking," I said. She and Graham exchanged glances but I thought nothing of it. "Hi Henry," I said. "Hi Miss Swan." He said giving me a smile. "How's school going?" I asked. "Good! Ms. Margaret is teaching us how to make bird feeders!" He said. "Really? I love making things." I said with a laugh. He smiled. "Miss Swan, Graham, don't you have to get to work," Regina asked. I nodded looking downward. "Of course. My humblest apologies Madame Mayor, Henry, have a great day at school," I said nodding. Graham dragged my hand out of there. We headed into Granny's resturant. I hopped up on a stool and he sat next to me.

"Why is she so unhappy?" I asked softly. He shrugged. "I don't know Em," He said softly. "I just wish she could be happier, maybe if she found a guy," I suggested. "I know." He said shrugging. "I have you at least," I said with a smile. He laughed. "Yes- Yes you do," He said kissing my forehead. Ruby came by. "Hot Chocolate with cinnamon?" Ruby asked pointing her pen at me. I smiled. "Yeah, that's wonderfully perfect," I said with a giggle. She smiled at me. "Bacon, egg and cheese sandwich with a black coffee?" She asked Graham. He smiled. "Always," He said. "You two are honestly, just so cute." She said. I smiled sweetly. "Thanks Ruby," I said. "Still coming over for drinks tomorrow?" She asked. I nodded. "Always," I said with a laugh. She smiled and went to go put our order in.

"So how's work at the station?" I asked. He nodded. "Alright I guess." He said. "Slow?" I asked. "No, it's just...I feel like we don't move Emma." He said. I cocked my head to the side. "Why would you say that?" I asked. He sighed. "Why wouldn't I? We are constantly just repeating everything day after day." He said. "No we're not," I said. "What did you do yesterday Emma?" He asked. "Graham," I said. "No seriously," He asked. "We-got coffee and hot chocolate at Granny's, met for lunch, went home, had a nice night and went to bed." I said. He looked at me. "I, I'm sorry Emma. Look, I don't want you to freak out, but don't you want to travel?" He asked. "No, Graham, I'm happy," I said. Was I really? Or was it just a farce? A lie. I nodded.

He sighed. "I have to go to the station. I'll call you later," He said getting up in a hurry and leaving. "GRAHAM!" I called after him. He was gone. I sighed. I sat down at the counter again. "Where did Graham go?" Ruby asked bringing us our drinks. I sighed. "He had to go to the station." I said. She shrugged. "Eh." She said with a laugh. I smiled. "So, any good...news on...like sex?" She asked with a giggle. I blushed. "Oh so there is." She said. I laughed. The bell to the shop rang and I turned my head. Mr. Gold and Cora walked into the store. I looked at Ruby. "I'll be back, I should tell Gran-" She was cut off by Mr. Gold. "Ah Miss Swan and Ms. Ruby." He said in his creepy voice. I looked at Ruby. "Where's your grandmother dearie?" He asked. She glared. "I'll go get her." She said. She shot me a parting glance.

"Emma," Cora said. You know the feeling you get when two sharks are about to eat you alive? That was the feeling I had right now. "Hi Mrs. Mills," I said softly. "When is your rent due?" Mr. Gold asked. "Tomorrow. I'll be coming in, don't you fret," I said. He laughed. I suppressed a shiver. Granny came out. "Thanks Ruby," I said. "Anytime Emma, see you tomorrow," She said with a smile. I laughed and left a hefty tip before heading to work. I made it to the hospital just in time. Dr. Whale ran out. "Emma, room 212," He said.

Just another day.

XX

The days happened exactly the same way for ten years. Everyone was frozen in time. Not aging, not growing younger. With the start of each day, memories were erased and they continued, doing the same thing-day after day. Until-Until he came.


	3. Chapter 2

I moved towards the door of my apartment. I was changed into my scrubs and I was ready to help some people today. I made sure my glasses were firmly on my nose before heading down the stairs. I started to walk out of the building, backpack on my shoulders. "Emma love," A voice said. I turned my head. A strange man started walking towards me. He was gorgeous. He had dark shuffled black hair that hung loosely in his face, he was taller than I was, and had these eyes. These crystalline blue eyes that seemed to bore into my soul. I wondered why I had never seen this man.

"Do I know you?" I asked curiously. "Emma love, stop playing games," He said with a laugh. I didn't change my expression. "Emma," He asked. "I'm sorry, maybe you have me confused with someone else," I said shaking my head and backing up. I could see rage go through his body, followed by confusion and a mix of sadness. "You truly don't know who I am, do you lass?" He asked. I shook my head. "I'm sorry, maybe it's someone else in town?" I offered feeling guilty. "No, it's quite alright my dear. My name is H-Killian Jones." He said. "Emma. Emma Swan." I said shaking his hand.

"Emma." He repeated. "Cora really did it," He said. "You know Cora? She really helped me you know. She and Mr. Gold really helped with Granny's diner, but I wouldn't cross them if my life depended on it." I said softly. He chuckled. "I'll let you carry on then Miss Swan," He said. The way he said my name caused me to shiver. "Emma!" I heard a voice call. Graham waved to me, coming over. He kissed lightly to my lips. Killian watched us with a weird expression. "Hi," I said simply. "Ready to go?" He asked. "Yeah." I said. "It was nice meeting you Mr. Jones." I said. He nodded. "Like wise. I'll be seeing you around Emma." He said.

Graham and I started to walk away. "Who was that guy?" Graham asked looking back. I shrugged. "Someone thought he knew me I guess," I said. I saw Madame Mayor walking ahead of us, with her boy Henry. His face was downcast as he kicked rocks. "Madame Mayor, good morning," I said with a warm smile. She turned. Henry stopped. "Miss Swan," She said. "How are you…feeling?" She asked. "Lovely, thank you for asking," I said. She and Graham exchanged glances but I thought nothing of it. "Hi Henry," I said. "Hi Miss Swan." He said giving me a smile.

I looked back to Madame Mayor. "Miss Swan, why don't you head onto work," She said. I went to question her, but I paused. "Of course. I'll see you later," I said kissing Graham's cheek. "Goodbye Mayor Mills." I said with a curt nod. "See you later Henry," I said with a warm smile. I made it to my car. Today felt different...I looked up at the clock and smiled. I wondered when Regina had fixed it?

* * *

On my lunch break, I drove to the pawnshop. I walked through the doors, hearing the familiar jingle. "Knock knock," I said with a warm smile. Mr. Gold walked out. His eyes raked over my form. "Miss Swan," He said. "Hi, I was wondering if I could buy something," I said. His smile sent dangerous chills down my back. "Of course, who for, if I may ask," He said. "Graham. It's our one year anniversary," I said with a smile. "Of course, how could I forget," He said laughing.

"What were you looking to aquire," He said. "I'm not sure. What do you have to offer?" I asked with a laugh. He rummaged around before finding a book. "Will this suffice?" he asked. I looked at the book. My eyes skimmed the cover. "A fairytale book?" I asked. "Yes Miss Swan," He said. He was serious. I nodded. Graham would surely like that. "Alright. That's perfect." I said with a small smile. I handed some money over and put the book back in my backpack. "How are you doing Miss Swan?" He asked. "Same as always," I said shrugging. I saw Killian walk by the window. His eyes met mine. I gave a polite wave. He smiled.

"Miss Swan," Mr. Gold said calling my attention back to him. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I asked looking back at the man. "I was asking what was wrong," He said. "Oh, nothing. I'm just tired." She said. "Please rest, we can't have one of our top nurses out of a job," He said. I blinked. "Thank you again Mr. Gold for the gift. I'm just sure Graham will love it," I said. He smiled. I turned. "Miss Swan, one last thing," He said. I turned to look at him. "Under no circumstances are you to talk to Killian Jones." He said. I felt his words seer through every ounce of my being. "Yes Mr. Gold." I said before leaving. "Oh and rent is due tomorrow."

* * *

I was flipping through the pages in this book. I sighed. Graham was not going to like this. I looked at Ruby. "He's not going to like that," She sang. "I know. I didn't pick it. Gold did." I said angrily furrowing my brow. She shrugged. "Maybe he did it to piss you off." She said. The bell rang. Henry sat up next to me. "Hey Emma!" He said. I smiled. "Hi Henry," I said. "How was school?" I asked. "Awesome! Ms. Margaret taught us how to make bird feeders!" He said. I smiled. "That's so cool!" I said. "What's the book for?" He asked.

"It was supposed to be for Graham, but I'm not so sure." I said. He smiled. "That's cool," He said. "You know, why don't you have it?" I said. "Really?" He asked smiling with excitement. "Yeah kid, it's all yours!" I said. "Thanks Emma!" He said. "Anytime buddy," I said with a laugh. He smiled warmly and stared at the book. "Read it," I said with a laugh. He opened the book before hearing his nme sharply called. "HENRY." Regina said. I looked over to her. She looked at Henry. "What are you doing?" She asked. She looked at me like I was the plague. "Um—well," He said.

"I found a book in the library, he was the first one I thought of. I'm really sorry Mayor Mills," I said. "You gave him a book?" She asked. I nodded. "It looked like a book he would like, so I thought," I said. She sighed. "It's a fairytale book," She said. I nodded. "Harmless," I said. She sighed again. "Very well Miss Swan, if you don't mind I'll be taking my son now." She said. "Of course," I said. "Bye Emma! Thanks for the book!" He said. I laughed and smiled. "Of course kiddo." I said with a smile. Regina gave me a quick thank you, followed by a goodbye before she ushered him out of the restaurant.

I sighed and stared at my hands. Ruby walked over. "I know something you can give Graham…" She said. I looked at her. She placed a key down in front of me and with a wink in her eye. "You have the suite here tonight…and well I'm going to help you get ready." She said. I cocked my head. "GRANNY I'M HELPING EMMA GET READY!" Ruby screamed. I blushed as people all stared at me. She took my hand, and laughing dragged me to the top floor.

She shoved me into a beautiful room. I blinked in awe at the room. Pale floors with a light cream wall color, with a large window that overlooked the entire forest. The white iron bed was in the center of the room with beautifully set perfect white linens. A large vanity loaded with makeup sat in front of me. "Time to beautify," She said. She pushed me into a chair.

She yanked the ponytail out of my hair. I yelped. "Oh it's okay." She said with a laugh. She pulled out a straightening iron and then a curling iron. She spun me around. "So, how about Graham,"

* * *

Graham's mouth just about fell out of his skull. "Emma," He said. Remember what Ruby taught you. Sultry, and dangerous. No sweet Emma. "Hello," I said in a husky voice. His eyes about popped out of his head. He stepped forward as I did. "Emma, you look-" He breathed. I smiled sweetly. "Thanks Graham." I said in my normal voice before kissing him softly. He groaned as he pulled my body closer. I smiled as I kissed his mouth. I never heard someone outside of our window.

* * *

_Killian _

"Graham," Emma half moaned. She turned, and her stormy eyes met his. And they kissed. I felt like a pervert for watching this. He entwined his fingers in her hair. She moaned and he pushed her back on the bed. He went back to furiously kissing her. She exposed her neck to him, and he pushed her down. She laughed slightly before attacking his lips with hers.

He took her slip off, leaving her in a white lace bra with green undertones. He smiled. She giggled, her perfect breasts bouncing in delight. "You're beautiful." He said. "Ditto." She said breathlessly. He kissed her collarbone lightly, before moving down her chest. She pulled off his shirt. He had tattoo's like she did. He was toned.

Her arousal spiked. She placed her light kisses down his chest. He tore her bra off, leaving her top half bare. His eyes widened. She was beautiful. Perfect. Her chest heaved. He fondled over her breasts, her back arching the whole time. He slid her jeans off, leaving her in a matching panty. She looked like an angel. He reached over and flicked off the light, leaving them in the moonlight. I saw him give her the pleasure I never could. Because of a stupid choice.

Her moans filled the room, so did his. Her nails dragged down his back, and they both released. It was love. They were in love. "I love you Graham." Elena's voice called. "I love you too Emma." He said. Minutes later they fell asleep, a tangle in the white linens.

* * *

_Emma_

I heard rustling. I blinked my sated eyes open. I saw Graham getting up quickly and quietly dressing. I cocked my head to the side. I saw him leave. Where was he going? I put on my pajama shorts and tank top and quickly began to follow him. He opened the door and was in the cold night air. I stayed quiet as I followed him. He seemed to be heading towards the homes in the woods. I walked silently

He turned and went down Regina's road. I blinked and looked at him quizzically. I hid behind a tree and watched. He looked around before knocking on Regina's door. She opened it softly, smiled and brought his lips to hers. I covered my mouth. He was cheating on me. I fell back in the bush and he looked up. I shook my head feeling tears well in my eyes. "How could you," I say shaking my head. Regina looks at me. "Emma," He says. "How long," I say stepping out of the bush. He blinks. "The whole time," He admits.

I step back. "Look Emma, this-we could make this work," He begs. "You would think—after Neal, I would have learned. I mean-I've been doing this for how long? Fourteen years right? Yeah." I said shaking my head. "Emma, please," He begged. I look at Regina, who has a sick smile on her face. I back up. "I'm going to go." I say softly. I turn and run. Rain starts to pour from the sky, blending with my tears and landing on the cold pavement.

I run right to the marina. I blink a little and realize, this is the end.


	4. Chapter 3

**A:N/ Hi guys! So this story is getting awesome reviews and i am so happy you like this so much! (: Yay! Okay so Graham is alive because the curse basically made Storybooke the way it was during the curse. So I just made it so Graham alive because well I really liked him! Please make sure to review. This chapter was a little hard to write, so maybe we'll like it? Lots of Captain Swan in this chapter and Graham gets it put to him! (BAM!) Anyways, I hope you enjoy! (: -KH **

* * *

I blink my eyes open. I am lying on a bench on the beach, soaked to the bone. I shiver and sniff. I'm sick. That's what I get for staying out in the rain-I pause. Last night flashes back to me. I feel fresh tears well in my eyes and I hold them back. You have to move on. I stand up and pull out my phone. Thankfully it still works. I call into work that I can't come in. I feel the sickness in my chest.

I start to walk home when I hear a voice call up next to me. "Hello Ms. Swan," He says. A shiver floats up my spine. I look and see Killian. He's in a light grey sweater and faded jeans and boots walking next to me. "Hi," I say. My voice is hoarse from crying and I cough. "You alright love?" He asked. "No, I slept in the rain all night." I say. "Why?" He asks stopping. The thought forces tears from my eyes. "I'm sorry," I say turning away. "No, you're fine," He says.

"Graham cheated on me." I say simply, painfully. His eyes widened. "And I caught him last night...on our anniversary." I said. The tears come freely. "I just-never mind," I say shaking my head. "No, he's a dick for doing that to you." He said. I looked at him. "Well fool me once shame on him, fool me twice shame on me." I say walking away.

* * *

I slammed the shot down. Lacey, Ruby, and I were knocking back shots like it was nobody's business. I was probably the most drunk out of us all but they weren't too far behind. "And another thing, men do not understand our needs!" Ruby said. I nodded. "I mean, if I need tampons, buy my the fuc-" I stopped when I saw Killian. He was with some girl. I narrowed my eyes. She giggled and flirted flipping her hair. He was flirting shamelessly right back with her. Graham and I had been separated for what almost a month? He was with Regina and happy, so why couldn't I be happy?

I stood up. Boosted by my liquid courage, I tried to walk but stumbling. I fell right onto Dr. Whale. He smiled devilishly. Dr. Whale, although my boss, had been basically trying to get in my pants for the past month. Everyone knew, because the guy didn't seem to understand that I had JUST broken up with Graham and men probably weren't on my 'happy fun' list. "Woah there sweetheart," Dr. Whale basically purred in my ears. I tried to stand back. "Maybe I should take you home," He said with a wink. "No. I can make it home myself," I slurred. "Really?" He asked. "I'll take her." A voice I dreaded hearing say. Graham walked right to me. Dr. Whale narrowed his eyes. "Hey both of you, hands off," Ruby said. Dr. Whale widened his eyes.

He walked over to Ruby and started flirting. I stepped back and looked at Graham. "Graham," I said with a sad voice. He smiled. "I want to try again," He said. I gave him a right hook right into the face. "That's for cheating on me." I said in a low growl. He looked at me, eyes narrowed. "You're under arrest. You and that guy." He said. I saw Killian sitting in his car. "Why's he under arrest?" I asked. "He's drunk too." He said. I groaned as he dragged me out. He cuffed me and threw me into the car next to Killian. "Ello Love," He drawled as I sat in the car.

I looked at him with an expression pleading for silence. He recognized it and nodded. Graham got in the car. Awkward tension. I looked at Killian for a moment before realizing something. "Why are you here?" I whispered softly. "NO TALKING!" Graham almost shouted. He nursed his bruising jaw. I instantly scooted closer to Killian. I managed to pick the lock of the cuffs with an extra bobby pin I had in my pockets. I passed it over to Killian, minding his well, not good hand. He nodded and quietly began to pick the lock. I sighed as he nodded to me.

Graham looked at me. "Do you want me to take you home?" He asked quietly. I glared. "What the hell Graham? You publicly embarrass me, and say you're arresting me, and then offer to take me home? Screw you. No. Take me to jail you jackass." I say angrily. He sighs. "I-I'm sorry Emma. For all of it," He says softly. "You chose her. Live with that. I don't give a damn anymore Graham. You're just like Neal." I say bitterly. He looks at me saddened. "Em-," He said. I had had enough. "Just stop, okay? I can't-" I say shaking my head. He sighs. "Fine." He says. "I'm just done with you Emma. I just-It was never going to work anyways, with me and Regina," He says. "I get it. You have a chance to be happy with her right? I just wished you had been honest with me from the beginning, because I actually loved you." I said. "Loved?" He asked. "I don't love you anymore Graham. There's nothing for me to love. You're lucky that I care enough to even talk with you. I could just ignore you. Or not talk to you at all. But here I am, talking, and maybe it's the alcohol, but I think deep down you're really unhappy. I think you don't know what you want and I don't know if you really know what you want. But when you figure it out, when you realize the mistakes and people you've hurt, I think you're going to realize, we had something good, and no matter what you say or do, we are never getting back together." I finish.

He doesn't speak. He doesn't beg for me back, but did I expect him too? Did I truly expect for him to crawl back to me? No. I wonder if I would ever be the Emma who smiled at everyone and was genuinely happy. Graham pulls into the station. Either he doesn't notice or care about the cuffs, and just shuts us in the cell. Killian is in the one beside me and I am in my own. I take the cuffs off. "How did you," Graham asks. "I had a bobby pin. I did his too. You're not that intimidating." I said with a shrug. "Fine. Um you guys will be out in the morning. Just-don't get too comfy." He said.

"Where are you going?" I ask. "Home..." He says. He means to Regina. "Tell her I say hello." I say with a shrug. He sighs, nods and heads out the door. I chuckle as I hear his car start as he drives away. I take the bobby pin back out, pick the lock and leave the cell. "Bloody brilliant lass," Killian says with a wide smile. I pause, for a moment.

I go into his cell and sit down. "Much better." I say. "Why didn't you-" He goes to ask. "I didn't want you to leave. Graham would get in trouble and well-I still don't want him hurt." I say. "Darling, try something new. It's called trust. I wouldn't have left." He says. I blink and suddenly, I'm not there, no, I'm on top of a bean stalk.

_Killian leapt down from the beanstalk and brushed off the dirt from his pants. He turned back to me and held out a hand. I hung onto the vines of the beanstalk with one hand, and gripped his hand with my free one. I took his hand and he helped me jump down from the stalk. I looked at the ruins and gasped softly. "What happened here?" I asked softly. "It's where the final battle was." He replied. "Give me your hand." He said quickly._

_"What?" I asked confused. Hook looked to my hand. "Your hand-it's cut. Let me help you." I shook my head. I saw the blood beginning to drip. "No, no. It's fine." I protested. "No, it's not." Hook took my hand against my will and, drawing me close to him, he inspected it carefully. I breathed in his scent. The ocean. Rum, salty air, a mix_

_I gave him a weak dark glance. "So, now you're going to be a gentleman?"_

_Hook leaned in close and whispered, "Giants can smell blood. And I'm always a gentleman." He drew a small bottle out and uncorked it with his teeth, spitting it back on the ground, and poured it all over my bloody hand. It hurt like hell. "What the hell is that?" I growled._

_"It's rum." He answered simply. "And a bloody waste of it." He removed his scarf from around his neck and wrapped it around my stinging palm. "Now, here's the plan: We wait for the giant to fall asleep. And when he does, we'll sneak past him into his cave. It's where the treasure lies-where the compass is."And then?" I asked training my eyes on his._

_"And then we run like hell." He whispered in her ear. I leaned back a little. "I don't have time to wait for a giant to fall asleep." I said defiantly. He laughed a little at my rebellious tendencies._

_"The powder Mulan gave us-we can to use it. We have to knock him out." I said._

_Hook cocked his head to the side. "Well, that's riskier." He said in a bland voice. No adventure for him today. "Riskier than waiting for a giant to fall asleep?" I asked._

_He looked down at me, his eyes straying just a little too far down to my lips for a second too long, and grinned. I supressed a shiver. "Point taken." He said. "You're a tough lass. You'd make one hell of a pirate." He said with a smirk. I let go of him and looked at his wrist. "Who's Milah, on the tattoo?" I asked, looking to the name written on his wrist in a red heart. Hook averted my eyes and walked away, going past me. "Someone from long ago." He said in a sad yet stern voice. I blinked softly. "Where is she?" I asked quietly._

_"She's gone." He responded shortly, bitterly, and most importantly sadly._

_I paused to think. "Gold," I breathed. "Rumpelstiltskin. He took more than your hand, didn't he?" I asked sadly. "That's why you want to kill him." I deduced._

_Hook turned on me angrily and snapped. "For someone who's never been in love, you're quite perceptive, aren't you?" I stopped as he walked away. "Maybe I was-once." I said._

* * *

_I grabbed the bag of poppy powder from Hook's satchel and perched myself atop a statue near the entrance of the castle. I breathed deeply, feeling the height affect me. Hook, still on the ground, dragged a bone to a large metal shield. "You ready?" He asked. I nodded, lying, and Hook banged on the shield with the bone, the noise vibrating through the whole courtyard. Footsteps thundered, shaking the ground. I gripped the neck of the statue and held on. When I looked back up, the giant was there, right in front of me, looking around. "Oh, damn it." I whispered._

_Hook slowly led the giants towards the direction of the statue. I prepared grabbing the bag between my hands. "Hey! You big git!" The giant looked down. "Yeah, you. You want to kill a human? Huh? You want to kill a human? Well I'm the worst human around!" Emma raised one eyebrow as he spread his arms wide. "So come on, then!" He yelled. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it. I giggled softly. I caught his eyes and he smirked._

_Enraged, the giant grabbed at Hook and swung his face toward the statue, and I quickly through the bag in his face. The poppy powder exploded into the air, shimmering into the air. He fell to the ground, unconscious, but Hook was nowhere to be seen. I turned my head wildly to catch sight of him. What if he was hurt? Or worse... "Hook?" I called. "Hook!" I yelled again. Suddenly, he appeared out from under the giant. "He's out cold." He smiled at me. "I don't mean to upset you, Emma, but I think we make quite the team."_

I blinked. "Emma," He said. I shook my head. "Sorry, I just got a weird thought, might be the alcohol," I said. He cocked his head. I laughed. "I'm pretty sure we never fought a giant, and you never had a hook, so," I said with a laugh. His face was serious. "Yeah," He said. I looked at his wrist. "Milah was her name? Gold-what did he do to her?" i asked. "He did something to both of you." He said. I looked at him. He shook his head. "But to her," I said. "He killed her." He admitted. I blinked. I knew that.

I crawled over to him and hugged his body. I was settled between his legs and closed my eyes. His arms came around my waist. "Come back to me Emma." He whispered. "Killian?" I asked looking up at him. "Yeah," He asked. "You're a good friend." I said softly. He smiled. "You are too love. We could be friends with benefits," He said. I laughed. "Maybe one day soon." I said nodding.

* * *

**So coming up- We've got some Emma remembering! Please review, I can only get better from reviews. This is so much fun to write...I am working on the next chapter and there will be a little confrontation...Operation Cobara anyone? #Henry Also don't be scared! Follow on Twitter! (: **


	5. Chapter 4

**A:N/ Hi guys! Woah this chapter is the longest with a record 2, 724 words! I am actually pretty happy with the way this story is progressing... YAY! This chapter has a big turning point in the little "love triangle" dynamic. You'll see when you get there! Last chapter was a hard one, but I feel pretty good with this one! Please review, I can only get better from HONEST review! Just because I'm little doesn't mean I'm not tough! Give this story a fav and a follow! Thanks All! K XX **

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I am not a graceful person. I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday at 2am, I am the gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

So when I wake up in the morning, alone and lying on the floor, my hand that was holding another no longer there, I am not surprised. I'm not surprised to hear this thudding of my head and heart and I am not surprised to find a Tylenol and water lying by me. I blink and sigh before getting up, blinking harshly at the cruel and usually warm sunlight before taking my medicine and leaving the open cell.

I walk to the bar and get into my car and sit there. I don't really do anything. I just sit there. Another day. Another day.

* * *

I pull my coat tighter around my body as I make my way to my car. The cool autumn air of tonight really sunk into my bones. All I needed was a hot bath and some tea. I hear my name called. I look to my phone and I see a name flash up on the screen. "Hello," I say. "Miss Swan, I need you to come down to my office right away," Regina says. I bite my tongue. "Of course." I say softly. "I'll be there in a minute," I say in the same voice. I hang up and go into my car.

I drive to her office. My mind is buzzing with what ifs. Wondering what she may or may not say about me-or to me. I make it to her office and I get out of my car. I see a faint snow start to fall from the sky and I quickly make it inside. The building is dark, but I can faintly make out the sounds of her keyboard and soft music flittering through the building. I make it to her office door and knock softly. "Come in," She addresses. I take a deep breath before walking into her office. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. She was drunk.

I could see it in her eyes. "Miss Swan," She slurs. She is barely standing. I rush over to her before she falls. "You've had a lot to drink," I say noting the three empty bottles of wine. She giggles. Giggles. "I know, but I need to tell you something," She says. I look at her. "This place, it isn't real. We've been trapped..." She says shaking her head. I laugh. "Regina, you're drunk. Let's get you home," I say. "NO! Please, listen to me Emma, you need to remember who you are," She pleads. "I'm Emma Swan, I'm a nurse, I like cinnamon in my hot cocoa," I say with a sad smile.

"No, Emma, this-this isn't me being drunk, this is me telling you, you need to save us," She pleads. "I'm going to take you home now," I say. She sighs. "You don't believe me?" She asks. "Regina, you're drunk. I won't hold it against you." I say patting her shoulder. "You know, the old Emma, she would punch me for hurting Henry. She would hit me and slap me for taking Graham from her, and she would-she would believe me." Regina whispered, hot tears coming down. "I need that Emma," She starts to cry.

Her head falls against my shoulder as she cries. "Please Emma, come back," She cries. I look at her. She's drunk. But her words speak to me. I was right, a sad woman. "You aren't supposed to be this nice, this timid, but yet here you are, a completely different person because of me." She cries. I let her cry. She's crying on my shoulder, grasping onto me like I am the last person she'll ever speak to. Eventually she's asleep. I sigh. I pick her up in my arms and bring her to my car. I lock everything up and start to drive her home. No one, not even Regina should be alone.

I park in her driveway and carry her up. I push open the door. Regina snores a little. I hear Henry rush down. "Hey Emma," He says. He doesn't say anything to his mother. "Room?" I asked. He led me up stairs and into her bedroom. I saw Graham sleeping soundly. I lightly set Regina onto the bed. "Alright kid," I said rubbing his hair. I walked downstairs. "Alright, I'm going to head out," I said. "Emma," He asked. I blinked. It was the first time he had never called me Miss Swan that I could remember. "Yeah," I asked. "Can I talk to you," He said. I nodded. "Sure," I said. He led me into the kitchen. He had two cups of hot chocolate. He drizzled cinnamon on both. "You put cinnamon on yours too?" I asked surprised. "Yeah...it must be hereditary," He said. I looked at him. "We're not-" I went to say related, but was stopped. "Yes we are. Look, Emma, I need you to remember." He said.

"Henry, your mother said that to me too. Listen, you're tired, and I need you to realize, I haven't forgotten anything," I said lovingly. Why was I acting so motherly? "Listen, give me a shot. I can prove it," he said. I sighed. "Fine. You can prove it to me." I said nodding. He smiled. "Okay so we should call this something discreet." He said. Immediately a name popped into my head. "Operation Cobra?" I asked. He smiled. "Emma, I know you don't believe but, you're already one step closer to remembering."

* * *

I was driving home, as the rain started, and my head was spinning. First Killian had said something and now Regina and Henry. Something was going on. I sighed and continued to drive. I reached my apartment building and parked my car. I hopped out of the car and walked up the stairs. I stopped. Killian sat outside of my door. His eyes looked from the ground, up my body and finally met my eyes. "I can explain," He said. I raised an eyebrow. "Really?" I asked. I took my keys out. "You see my ship is being a bit um...how do you say, leaky?" He asked. I laughed. His eyes narrowed. I couldn't stop. "I'm-I'm sorry," I said.

I realized I hadn't laughed so hard in a long time...I couldn't remember the last time I laughed like that. I wiped some happy tears from my eyes. I looked up. Killian had an amused smile on his face. "I'm really sorry about your leaks." I said with a wink. He laughed, a warm feeling spread through me at the sound. "It's quite alright lass, just well I don't want to be wet and cold," He said. "So you came here? You can stay," I said. He smiled. I opened the door to the apartment. "You can hang your coat on the coat rack." I said taking mine off. He nodded. "Do you need coffee, tea," I said.

"Um tea would be lovely sweetheart," He said with a wink. "Good choice captain," I said. I blinked unsure of where that came from. "So, do you remember the other night, in the cell, where we were drunk," Ii said. "It was the best night of my life, but continue," He said. I shook my head. "I had this weird thought, and it might have been the alcohol, but please promise not to judge and or make fun of me," I said. He nodded. "I had this I guess, memory maybe, where we fought a giant together," I said wincing. He didn't say anything.

"And then you asked for me to come back to you," I said. I could hear the sadness in my voice. "Yes." He said. "What did you mean by that?" I asked. "Emma, I mean," He said putting his hand on his neck and rubbing. "Look, I mean, just verify that I'm not going insane Killian Jones because I am positive that Regina and Henry wouldn't just pull my chain, and I am certain that you would never-I mean," I am stumbling because I don't know.

"Love, you're over analyzing." He said. "You're lying." I said. "Emma," He pleaded. "Never mind. Just-never mind. It's late, I'm tired, you're maybe tired, I have work in the morning and, just-yeah." I said shaking my head. I went to leave. "You can't just leave every time you get scared." He said in a whisper as he grabbed my arm.

_"Try something new darling-it's called trust." He said. "Have I ever lied to you? Not once have I betrayed you." He says. I look at him. I wanted to trust him. I trusted him because he's your true love. _

I blink. "Where have you said that to me before?" I ask. I'm pacing. "Emma," He says. "I'm losing it Killian," I say voice infused with fear. "You're not, I promise Emma, you aren't," He says. I sit down on the couch. He sits next to me. "It's alright Emma," He says. "You're right. I'm-I'm sorry." I say. "You're fine. Go take a bath. I'll sleep on the couch. Call if you need me, alright lovey?" He asks.

I nod. "Alright thank you." I say. I walk up the stairs to my room and I change into short shorts and I throw on an old shirt and fall into my bed, asleep within minutes.

* * *

_ I was walking in a dark alley. Neal...I knew him. The name came instantly like a breath of air. He laughed as we were running. I felt the heaviness of a watch on my wrist. "Stay here, we'll...we will get right there Em." He said. I nodded eagerly. I knew that I would do anything for this man. I smiled and nodded. He went off into another direction. Suddenly cuffs were around my wrists. He was a criminal and had sold me out. He had left me. My heart shattered into billions of black dripping pieces. _

_ And then-I was in a bed. A shooting pain went through the lower half of my body and I screamed. "There we go darling," A soothing voice said. And then, a cry. A baby was crying. His beautiful eyes met mine and I let out a smile. "Can I hold him?" I ask. "Of course," The nurse said. And this beautiful boy was in my arms. "He's so charming." I said kissing his forehead. "Henry," I said with a teary smile. And then he was out of my arms, crying harder and he was gone. _

_ I was flung from the bed and lying on the forest floor. Killian was struggling. Hook. The name came easily as well. Cora was in a strange dress and held him by the neck. "KILLIAN!" I shouted. He looked at me just as Cora squeezed his heart into ashes. _

* * *

I woke up, crying. I felt sobs raking through my body. What was that? My door opened and Killian stood there. "Emma," He said. He came to the bed and sat down. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and started to cry harder. "Shh love," He says. "Please don't leave, please don't leave," I cried over and over again. "Emma, love what are you talking about," He asked. "She killed you." I cried.

"Oh, Shh," he soothed. I shook my head holding onto him. "Emma, you're fine now," He said. I nodded still hugging him. "Can you stay here?" I asked. I looked at his eyes, searching. He nodded. "Yeah, if you'll have me," He said. I moved over so he could come lay next to me. He settled in and I curled into his body. I sighed in contentment as he wrapped his arm around my side. I curled closer to him, trying to get as close as I possibly could. I could hear the steady beat of his heart through his chest.

"Alright love," He said rubbing my hair. I felt my eyes dropping closed. "His name was Neal." I whispered. "Emma," He said. "I-one time, I think this dream version of me really loved him." I said softly. "But he left me, and Henry was my son-not Regina. And then you were there and Cora-" I said, voice breaking. "She killed you. Your heart was in her hands and she crushed it." I said starting to cry.

His hands stilled on my back and I looked up to find him sleeping. So for the rest of the night I silently cried on Killian Jones's chest. "I think I love you." I whispered softly.

* * *

In the mornings, when we strain against our consciousness, fighting to sleep but knowing that we must wake, people wake restless, tired. But this morning, I feel a calm I hadn't ever felt. Like I was apart of something, apart of _him_. Since when had this man, this man who I barely knew, become the world to me? Become the person to calm my monsters and inner demons? Since when had we become so close? You may say I'm a dreamer, but if I believed in the "fairy tale" true love, this would be it. It would be with _him_.

I woke up on top of Killian. My throat was scratchy and my eyes blinked at the harsh light of the day. I attempted to move off of Killian, but his arms tightened around my waist as a hand slid under my shirt. I sucked in a breath, as his fingers touched my back in a soothing way. I kissed his forehead and got up. He adjusted in the bed and let out a snore. I looked down at his peaceful face. His skin was smoothed out where there was a usual smirk. His long, dark eyelashes covered the beautiful blue seas that lied underneath. His hair was shuffled and messy. And in this moment-I felt something I had never felt before.

I made my way into the kitchen and started to get ready for my day. There was a knock on the door. I walked to the door and saw Graham standing there. His hand was still where the door had opened. "Um I was just stopping by to thank you," He said. "Oh yeah, Regina was just...drunk dialing. Give her some Gatorade and bananas. Potassium is good for hangovers." I said. "Emma?" Killian asked coming out of my room, shirtless. He rubbed his eyes with both hands.

Graham blinked. "Uh I didn't realize you two," he said looking between Killian and I. "We aren't, um he needed to stay here. Is it snowing?" I asked. "Yeah do you see what I am wearing or are you just blind?" He asked. I went to say something, but Killian piped up. "Mate, you better watch your tongue. You're lucky that she's speaking to you. In fact the fact that she still is being kind to you." He said. I felt a warm feeling spread through me at his words. Graham had never stuck up for me...Neal certainly hadn't. Graham looked at me with anger in his eyes. "I have to say Emma, I always thought you could fight your own battles but now you have this brute." He said shaking his head. That was it. I decked him across the face. He fell backwards. "Let me tell you something. He. Is. More. Man. Than. You. Will. EVER. Be." I said. "Emma." Graham said. "Goodbye Sheriff."

I slammed the door shut. Killian's eyes watched me. "You are a tough lass," He said. I smiled and started to pull out ingredients for breakfast. I heard rain start to rumble. I started to try and blend eggs. I failed. "Ok Granny's." I said. He chuckled before moving to get dressed. I never saw him reach for my hand.

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**A:N/ And insert turning point! I am really excited for this next chapter. I am going away next week for a Marine Bio trip, but I'm hoping to get this next chapter up by Monday night. Please subscribe follow and REVIEW! I really would like 10 reviews for this story...It would make my whole life! Anyways, I am super in love with you all and I am so happy for all the support. Next chapter is another BIG moment, so please feel free to chime in on what YOU think will happen! **

**Kisses! **

**Kxx **


	6. Chapter 5

**A:N/ Woah okay so I basically wrote this in google docs on my phone and computer and I finished this! Woah this chapter was Long! 3,506 words people. This chapter made me cry a little while writing it...but remember things aren't always as they seem. Thanks for the reviews and follows of love. You guys rock socks. Enjoy this chapter oh and PLEASE play this song on loop while reading. It adds to the mood, mhmm K? **

**Song: **Sigur Ros- Dauðalogn

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We reached Granny's diner in record time. I laughed as I shook the rain off my leather jacket. We walked to a booth in the back and sat down. Ruby waltzed over with two menu's in her hand. "Well hello," She said looking at Hook. I looked at her. "Hello dear," He said. Her eyes sparkled at his accent. I stared at her. "Um Emma, I didn't know you had a new man," She said still looking at Killian. "Um I don't," I said. "Oh so he's free," She said looking back to me. "Well yeah, I don't own him Ruby." I said. "Lovely name, _Ruby_." He practically purred.

He was flirting back. I suppressed the urge to punch her. She giggled twirling her hair. "What can I get you?" She asked with a wink. "Oh," He said. He was blatantly flirting back. "Whatever Emma has love," He said looking at me. I looked to Ruby. "Emma has the same thing," She said in an almost scoff. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Hot chocolate with cinnamon on top. She doesn't eat anything. That's why she's so small..." She said. I glared accusingly at Ruby. Traitor.

"Well I guess then I'll have some toast and a black coffee." He said lamely staring at Ruby's boobs. She pushed herself forward. "Alright, I'll be right back." She said. I watched her walk away. I shifted uncomfortably in my scrubs. I saw Graham, Regina and Henry walk in. Graham was nursing a new bruise on his face and his eyes met mine. He smirked sarcastically before bringing Regina closer to him. Regina smiled at him and Henry looked bored.

"So now we're in a pissing match." I mumbled. "What was that love?" Killian asked. "I don't know, ask Ruby." I said passive aggressively. He raised an eyebrow. Henry came over. "Hi Emma!" He said. My mood lifted. "Hey kiddo!" I said. He looked nervously between Killian and I. "It's okay kid, he's good at keeping secrets." I said. He smiled. "Okay so operation cobra is still on?" He asked. "Sure," I said with a smile.

"Okay good. I can't take my mom and Sheriff Graham anymore," He said. I laughed and Regina and Graham glared at me. "Alright buddy, get back to your family alright," I said. "Yeah Mom," He said. I blinked. "What?" I asked. "You're my mom Emma, I'm going to prove it to you. She won't win." He said. I sighed, "Henry," I said. "Bye Emma!" He said before rushing back to his table. "So this is what had you so upset last night?" Killian asked. I nodded putting my head between my hands. "I just-I don't want him to be even more disappointed when he finds out, I'm not his mom and we're not related you know?" I asked. He nodded.

"If the lad is right though," He said. "Wouldn't I remember having a kid?" I said. He nodded. "Sometimes things aren't always what they seem darling." He said. He had that right. "Well I know that. I get that, but I had a child, let's say Henry is my kid. Wouldn't I remember that? Wouldn't I remember him coming out of me? In fact-wouldn't I remember conceiving him? And I was with Graham for-a really long time-so technically he's Graham's too." I said. He shrugged.

"Just try to be open minded. Henry's tough. He'll be good with anything either way." He said. Ruby came by with the food. She handed me my hot chocolate and turned all of her attention to killian. He looked slightly amused at Ruby. "So...what are you doing tonight?" She asked. "Well I was having a night in with Emma, but that could be changed," He said. I stood up. "I've got to go into work," I said awkwardly. Neither of them acknowledges me as I start to walk.

I feel Graham's hand brush mine and I shake my head and continue to walk. I look at the pouring rain, realizing my keys were inside. Not worth it. Why was I so disappointed that he wasn't interested in me? I take a deep breath and run into the rain and down the road to the hospital. I make a note of myself. Work late tonight. It'll be worth it in the end.

* * *

I get out at around two in the morning. Dr. Whale had graciously accepted my case to work late tonight. I rub my tired eyes. I left my car at the diner. Of course. I heard the crack of thunder. I felt the first drops of rain beat against my cold skin. I walk to the diner as it starts to pour. Empty. That meant my keys were inside. I sigh. I'll just walk home.

I am walking in the dark streets when I think I hear something. "Hello?" I call. Silence. I shrug and continue to walk home. I hear it again. I stop still before I feel a hand cover my mouth and pull me back. I am staring face to face with Graham. He snickers and smacks something again and my world is reduced to a black nothingness.

* * *

I can hear the thudding of my heart, the pounding of my skull as I blink my eyes painfully open. I can't tell where I am. I can feel the cold seeping into my skin. I see my hands and feet are bound tightly in handcuffs and rope. I'm not getting out anytime soon. "Ah you're awake." Graham says walking in. "You were out for about three days. I was a little worried I threw you into a coma state." He said.

"Where am I?" I asked. "Well Emma, that does not matter." He said. "It matters and you know it," I growl. He laughs happily like it's a shared joke. "Of course dear. Listen, Emma," He says. His face is inches from mine. "I think I deserve some payback. Don't you?" He asks. "Payback for what?" I ask angrily. "You've caused me so much pain dear," He said. "I've caused you pain? Graham you shattered my heart," I say voice cracking. He laughs. "I need you gone Emma. I can't look at your face any longer." He said simply. I realize where we are. The Marina. He was going to drown me. I suddenly hear the water. "I'm sorry Emma, but it just has to be this way," He says.

I see the water now. It's not the dark floor I thought it was. It's cold, unforgiving water. I blink and feel my stomach drop. "I just want you to know, I loved you." He whispers. He ties a gag around my mouth and I struggle. "I'm so sorry Emma." He whispers. And he pushes me back. I try and get as much air through the gag but it's harder than you would think. I feel the coldness of the water beating against my skin. I feel the darkness of the water. So this is how my life would end. I closed my eyes in a silent laugh. I wondered if I would be missed. If I would be a girl who was missed dearly, or a girl who was just gone.

I thought quietly that I had been drowning for such a while now. Drowning in my sorrow, my sadness. Drowning. I had been drowning for what seemed like forever now. I didn't think I would mind it though. I never thought I would go like this. But does anyone ever in vision how they will die? I think of Killian. So sad and yet so beautiful. His laugh could make the inner demons that plagued my soul and mind disappear. My knight in knight shining armor, that is only deserved for a savior, he was a man who cared.

I had always been running away from something. I had always been moving away, but I had never gotten anywhere. I had just ended up in the bottom of a cold sea, dead. Dying. My chest constricts painfully, gasping for the air it so desperately needs, and I feel my heart thudding, pleading it's last case to be heard, to live on. Silly heart. It should know by now, anything with cracks and holes in it fills with this liquid death. I took a breath, getting water instead of air, my eyes closing to the fading thrum of my heart. Everything burned. The water was painful, hurting my lungs. I let out a long breath of air, and felt my body relax into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

_Killian _

_ I smile as I roll over to see Ruby blink up at me. It's a little past two in the morning, and rain starts to hurl towards the earth. Ruby and I...well had rented a room. It was a one night thing. Not a bad lay, not really wonderful either. She smiles up at me. "How will Emma feel about this?" She asked. I shrugged. "Emma doesn't...she's not interested." I said with a shrug. I get up and start to gather my clothes. "Well I'm going to head out, keep in touch love," I said nodding. _

_ Ruby smiled and drifted off to sleep. I made my way to the parking lot. Emma's car was still there. Weird. I shrugged. Maybe it's a late night. I walk to her apartment, finding it unlocked. She wasn't home either. I walk inside. "Emma," I call. Nothing. I don't hear anything. Something is wrong. I see her cellphone lying on the table. It's like she came home, but left. Where would she have gone? _

_ I reluctantly try calling the Hospital. "Hello?" A tired nurse answers. "Hi is Emma Swan on duty?" I ask. "No. She left about two hours ago. Is it an emergency?" She asks. "Well she's not home...it's fine. Thank you." I say. I was lying. It was not fine. Emma was missing. _

* * *

_ By the next day, rumors swirl in the air like bitter tobacco smoke. 'Maybe she left town' or maybe 'She's hiking' seem to be the popular ones. People set out in the woods looking for her. Even Graham seems to genuinely look. Regina calls a town meeting that night. Graham continues to look for her. I want to, but he convinces me, after my stunt with Ruby, she wouldn't want to talk to me. I blink. That's why she left. She left and-I sigh. Killian Jones you've effectively "killed" another woman. I sigh. I don't know where she is. I start to pace. What if something happened to her? Something bad? I scold myself mentally. DON'T THINK THAT WAY! _

_ I am sitting in the front row, when Regina gets up to speak. The whole town is in the meeting. "Hello." She says. "It's been two days since Emma Swan went missing. 48 full hours. We've looked through every part of this town and have been unable to find her." She says. I can see the pain in her voice. "At this point in time, after exerting all of our resources...it appears that we have to close this case. It seems as if Miss Swan left town." She said. _

_ People gasp and begin to talk. No. "Aye that's not true lass," I say. People look at me. I stand up. "Emma Swan was a good lass, a fine woman with a pure heart. She would never have just left town." I said. People seemed to nod in agreement. "So you're saying that someone captured her?" A voice yells. "Aye, I'm saying that someone has our Swan." I say. "Mr. Jones, as much as I would like to agree to you, the town council has come to a consensus. Emma Swan will no longer be searched for." She said finally. People seemed to nod and agree before heading out. I see the Crocodile and Cora standing in the background, looking confused. I wait until everyone has left. "If you touched a hair on her pretty head crocodile," I hissed. "Surprisingly not you brute. I am just as alarmed as you are. Miss Swan seems to have simply vanished." Rumplestiltskin said simply. "People don't simply vanish in this town." Regina said walking over. I looked at her angrily. _

_ "What if she-" Regina went to say Dead. "Do not even bring that possibility up." I said. My voice sounded broken. "I-I don't want to think of her as dead and I am sure you do not want to either, so let's think of other options." I told Regina. She nodded. "OF course. We'll resume looking in the morning. It's of no use to look in the woods now, and we all need rest," She said. I looked at the crocodile. "I'm willing to put Milah behind us, as long as Emma stays living and well." I said. Cora smiled wickedly. "And if I find out that you had any business to do with this-more than you already have, __**Witch**__, I will personally take my hand and drag it through your chest slowly." I spat. She laughed. "I would never doubt it captain." She said before vanishing. _

* * *

_ I was walking back to Emma's apartment. I sighed. Tomorrow morning I would make it to my boat and try and think. Emma was smart. If something had happened she would try and let me know. The idea of losing Emma...it hurt. "Why am I so afraid to lose you, when you aren't even mine?" I ask to myself silently. "Because we're both falling for each other," A small voice said in the back of my head. I was in love with Emma Swan. It was the kind of love...the love I hadn't felt...ever. Milah paled in comparison of Emma. It killed me to say that, but it was the truth. Emma was me, the better version of me. _

* * *

_ The pale morning sunlight flitters through the Marina's normally dark waters. The shimmery blue-green water reminds me of Emma's eyes. I kick a pebble. I wait to see it drop in the water, but it doesn't. It thuds on something. I stop and look. It's a hand. A pale, blue hand, that has a swan necklace dangling on it. I feel a small cry leave my mouth. I rush over to the hand and my breath catches in my too tight throat. Emma. Her eyes are open, her eyes are a cloudy blue, barely there, instead of the stormy sea that normally awaits me. _

_ She's mostly naked, and while normally I would bask in the glory of a woman that beautiful, it's a dead beauty now. I pull her out of the water. Her hands and feet are bound by tight ropes. Her mouth is gagged. She had drowned. "Emma," I say. "EMMA!" I yell. People start to run. I feel hot tears begin to snake down my face. "Emma, come back," I cry. "Come back to me," I am sobbing now. I hear Regina and Henry. "Mom," He says. "I love you, come back damn you," I cry. "Please Emma," I am crying. I've never been one to cry for an audience, but I can't control it. _

_ "This wasn't supposed to happen," Rumplestiltskin says. "She's dead and it's all my fault," Ruby whispers. I am holding her wet body to mine. The normally warm and flushed skin is cold and taut, lifeless, dead. The smile that normally graced her features was smoothed out, her face stuck in a grimace that would haunt my dreams for the rest of the centuries I remained on this Earth. I hear people start to cry. Mary Margaret, who doesn't even know this is her daughter, cries anyways. "She was supposed to save us," Henry says starting to cry. I look at the crocodile. "You won. You finally got what you wanted." I said looking between him and Regina. I pick her up and set off to the hospital. _

* * *

_ The funeral is a few days later. Her dress is beautiful-dotted in pearls, long and white, and intertwined in her hands is her beautiful swan necklace. Her face is peaceful, but it doesn't stop the people who saw her from knowing her grimace. Everyone cries. I think it would be impossible not to. She was being buried in a glass coffin, it felt right to have her in one. I sit down to begin writing my letter to her. _

**_Emma, _**

**_Hello darling. I didn't think anyone would ever know, or understand, just how horrible it feels to have yourself feel like you were hopeless and no one could save me. And then you came along. You, my dear, gave me hope for everything in this god damned town and now, now my dear, you're gone. I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence, but Emma, I don't think I will ever get over your absence. It's because I love you my dear. It's because I love the thoughts of you. I love being in your presence because Emma, you are the other half of me. It's so much darker here now, it's like the whole world has grown dark, and it leads me to wonder, would it have been lighter if you had never shone your light? Never the matter now my dear. _**

**_ We're all just droplets on a car falling down a window, and falling down with the other billions of water droplets. We're only thought of for a split second. But maybe we are more than that. Our lives are haphazard collections of vague images, maybes, and dreams left undreamt. We live our lives to what our personal standard of living is, but some of us are just surviving truly. Never really trying to enjoy the little luxuries society places on us, just trying to make it to the next day to start all over again._**

**_Sometimes the idea of living scares people. The constant fears and hardships that life seem to present to us, strikes fear into your very soul. Sometimes life dredges up the past and never lets us go move into the future. And then those poor, pitied souls are left feeling the bitterness created by the pasts' wake. Left to mull in the cold confines of our society, never truly freed, never feeling the warmth of societies section of comfort._**

**_But the past is just synapses firing, and the future is just purely imagination. A dream that is dreamt for ourselves. But it is only just a dream. All that is left is the present. Dreams, a gift to some and a burden to others. Beyond our bodies, our experiences and dreams will mean nothing. It will keep raining. Other droplets will beat out the old and this process will continue until the end of time. But everyone's goal, like the water droplet, is just for a split second, for someone to realize that they are there. To know that there was once a droplet with their name. It will keep raining. We could melt into the forest floor and all our memories; all of our unfulfilled dreams will melt with us. We're just thought embodied in flesh. We're just dreams flittering away into nothingness. But you aren't. You are so much more than that Emma, and you are someone who, even in death still effects us. We miss you. I miss you. _**

**_My dear Emma, When we lose something that is precious to us, we are left with a feeling of sadness. Whether it is a precious friend or even a treasured object, the loss can be hard to bear. It is as if a part of you has gone missing. Throughout our life we amass collections of friends and treasured possessions. Having close relationships help us feel as if we are not alone in the world. When we lose someone or something that is precious to us, we may realize that there is a certain aloneness that can never be filled. Ultimately the condition of life is one of being alone before God. You my dear, were the only person who ever understood me in a way that made me want to be better. Gods Emma, I pray that you are happy now. I pray you have all those silly memories that Cora stole because I am cursed to know everything now, alone with no hope of reconciliation. My dear, I don't think that you ever imagined how much pain I would be in once you were gone, Because if you had; you wouldn't have left me. But you left and I miss you and I want you to come back, I need you to come back because I love you Emma Swan and I can't go on without you. I guess I fell in love and I hope you died not hating me for what I did, but Emma, if you can...come back to me. Come back. Please. Come back. _**

**_Goodbye Emma. _**

* * *

**A:N/ If you are not crying by the end of this or at least on an emotional rollercoaster, read this again. ;) Okay so things aren't always as they seem...just remember that. Kind of a Cliff Hanger...I have some really cool ideas of where to go from here next but it's going to be a whole week from Tuesday until then so just wait okay? I really hope you guys aren't sad or mad because it is a KILLIAN AND EMMA story not a Killian or emma alone story? It's all in the details...did anyone notice how they're admitting they love each other? Yes? No? Review and tell me! (: Lots of love- **

**The Canadian Snowflake (: Kxx**


	7. Chapter 6

Killian watched Emma in her hospital bed. He had seen her just in time. He was glad he had taken the time after seeing...Ruby...to go and find Emma. The downside, was that Emma had been in a coma for three months. The doctors couldn't explain it, and he wouldn't expect them too. Emma was supposed to be dead, and he had dreamed of it many times, reliving her death. Cora had managed to bring her back to life, but this was the price. Until Emma's true love found her, she would be like this. He sighed. Graham had tried, genuinely tried, but to no avail.

Killian sighed and sat down next to her on the chair. "Oh Emma, love of mine," He said kissing her forehead. He sat up and walked to the door. He had been at her side for three months. It was a lot, but he felt guilty. If he hadn't been with Ruby...she would be alive, happy, splashing around. And yet, he still saw Ruby. He still screwed her on a weekly basis. He turned around as he heard her sigh.

He heard a knock at the door. He turned. He saw a tenative Mary Margaret come in. "Hi," She said softly. "Oh, I was about to leave," He said. "You weren't. You can stay, I actually wanted to talk to you," She said with a smile. Killian could see Emma in her features. She sat down near Emma. "Did you know her well?" Mary Margaret said. "Well enough," He said with a laugh. She smiled. "You know, she was always smiling, even after...the Graham scandal, she never strayed from protecting him," She said. "I admire her for that, never giving up." She said her eyes meeting Killian's. "Aye." He responded.

"But, the doctors were thinking of taking her oxygen away. They claim it doesn't make sense for her to be here. She hasn't responded in months," She said. Killian blinked angrily. "THEY CAN'T DO THAT!" He yelled. Mary Margaret winced. Her eyes met his. "Of course they can. It's not right, that I agree with, but they can. She has no existing relatives, she's basically a Jane Doe." She said shaking her head. "David Nolan, came out of his coma, and he was in one for a very long time." She said. "I think you should talk with Regina. I-I think that she could wake up, in fact I pray that she wakes up Mr. Jones, because someone so young, does not deserve to die because someone tried to rape and drown her." She whispered sadly. She sighed. "Goodnight Mr. Jones." She said.

* * *

**_Killian_**

I was walking home from Ruby's when I felt the tell tale sign of raindrops beating against my skin. I looked at the sky and saw a dash of lightning dash through the sky and I sighed. I made it to Emma's apartment before sitting on the couch. I was soaked, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. I dozed off.

_I was in Neverland. Of that much I knew. The stars were so bright and big, it was as if you could pick them from the sky. They were tiny lights in the black ocean. I saw her standing at the helm of the ship. "Milah," I said in a whisper. The usual black hair was a shimmering gold, Milah's rough garb was replaced by a white billowing dress, her boots gone and traded for pale, small feet. I saw her usual tan body, in to milk pale skin that reflected the moon and the stars. "Emma," I said. She turned looking to me. "Hello Killian," She said. Her voice, which had been months since I had heard, seemed almost angelic. "I haven't seen you in such a long time," I whispered, scared to move, that she'll vanish._

_"I know, I've been trapped here in this, place, for such a long time," She said. She looked around, her eyes staring and reflecting the crystal sky. She turned again and patted the gold wood of the Jolly Roger next to her. "Come look at the stars with me," She said with a smile. Her smile was as bright as the stars, pure white and shining. I could see the underlying sadness plagueing her crysalline eyes. I walked over to her cautiously, and she laughed. It was like tiny bells ringing in a Sunday morning church choir. "It's never been this peaceful here. Normally it's so...cold and dark. And sometimes, I'm drowning all over again," She said._

_I looked at her. "I suppose it was a peaceful way to die." She said as if we were discussing the weather. "Emma, you aren't dead," I said in a growl. "Killian, I'm not living anymore and I'm barely surviving," She whispered. I could tell she was depressed. "Emma," I begged. "And the worst part of it is, is that my own son, doesn't know I am his mother. He'll never know now," She said. Guilty. That's what I was. "Emma, I'm so sorry," I said. "It's not your fault," She whispered. "It is Emma, I brought you to," I went to say. "Of course, but you were misled. That, was never your fault my dear Killian." She said rubbing her fingers softly over mine._

_I leaned into her body. "There is a way-there is a way for you to save me," She said looking at me intensely. "Anything," I said. "Find my true love and I know who it is, but she won't let me tell you that much." She said. I blinked. "But I can give you hints. About this...man. It will be with your dreams. Each night, I'll give you more about this man." She said. A twinge of jealousy went through me when she mentioned him. She laughed before kissing my cheek. "He's a lot like you. He likes the sea." She whispered. "Goodbye Killian. I Lo-"_ She was cut off by the sound of an alarm going off.

I woke up suddenly. Pale light filtered in through the apartment. I wondered who she was talking about.

* * *

I made it to the hospital the next morning to find Henry sitting in the chair reading her fairytales. "Hello lad," I said walking in. I left the rose I did, everyday on Emma's bedside. "She still hasn't woken up." He said looking at me sadly. "She will lad, give her time," I said. "How much time though Killian? She's...going to die soon." He said. "What does your book say?" I asked knowingly. "She told you about..." He went to say. "Yes. You're mom and I were pretty close," I said. "I believe you lad." I said. He smiled and nodded. "Well it talks about Emma being the saviour," He said. I nodded.

"But then it says she was put under a curse like snow white," He said. I nodded. "And then it talks about how a man who lost her, found her. That's it," He said. "No name," I said. "It says, 'A man from another land heard of the princesses situation. Lost and alone, searching to avenge his true love, he found the princess. After knowing her very well, even going to be the bestest of friends, he kissed her. And a golden glow spread and the curse was lifted." Henry read. I sighed. "Okay so we find this man who is lost," I said.

"I know, but how do we find him?" He asked. "I'm not sure, but we will." I said with a nod. He sighed. "I know. I just hope we do soon so my mom doesn't..." He said tearing up. I nodded and put my arm around him. "Your mom is a tough lass. She'll make it through. She'll make it through." I said. "I hope so. I hope so Killian."

* * *

I almost broke the front door. I bolted up the stairs and jumped into Emma's bed. I got comfortable and closed my eyes. Sleep. Sleep.

_I was standing in the forest. I saw Emma standing at the base of a beanstalk. "Do you remember our first adventure?" She asked. I walked over to her. "How could I ever forget?" I asked laughing. She smiled. She looked up at the beanstalk. "Come for a walk with me?" She asked. "Of course," I said. "I think-I think I've figured out a way to tell you..." She said looking at me. "Of course," I breathed. Emma was going to be coming home. "But I can't hold on much longer. It's hard to breathe when you aren't here Killian. It's...It's like I am dying every second." She said. She looked at me. "It's like I drown in every breath," She whispered._

_"I need you to save me," She whispered. "Emma, I need to know who it is," I said. Why wasn't she understanding, I had no idea who this person was, and she expected me to know, to save her? How was the even possible? She sighed. "Never the matter. We have some dancing to do," She said. I looked at her. She winked and vanished. I blinked and we suddenly were in a ballroom. People danced with partners in magnificent dresses and ball gowns, it was a marsquerade. I saw I was now wearing something different. I was in a black velvet coat, and underneath was a dark ruby red vest and a white shirt. I wore simple black pants and a long gold mask on my face. My hands were gloved. "Mr. Jones, may I have this dance?" I heard an angelic voice ask. I turned to see a beautiful sight. It was a simple red ball gown, but her body did wonders in it. Her cleavage was pushed up so she had a regal air about her. A long black locket hung from her neck. Her hair hung in loose waves down her back. She had white gloves on her hands that reached just above her elbows._

_"Miss Swan," I addressed. Hopefully I could remember the courtship dances. She smiled, curtsied and took my hand. We began to dance. It wasn't the type of dance I had ever expirienced, it was as if we were a person just by ourselves in this massive room. She giggled slightly as I spun her, her eyes half open and half closed. The song ended. We both bowed and I kissed her hand. "There is more to a dance than just moving your feet," I said looking at the ground where they had just danced. "There is this grace that seems to hold your body to the Earth, a flame of eternal joy that can be put into the movements, when you have a connection with your dance partner. That's not an expertise matter. Thank you for dancing with me Emma." I whispered._

_She looked at me, breathless for a moment before stepping up to me. "Killian, I can tell you, promise me you'll help," She breathed. I nodded. "You are my one and only." She whispered. I blinked softly. Suddenly the world she was in was turning black. What's going on? She looked around frazzled. "Killian you need to wake up!" She shouted. The room vanished. "What's going on?" I asked. She looked at me. "Someone must be tampering with the machines keeping me alive!" She shouted. "EMMA!" I said. She looked at me. "Go!" She yelled over the roar of the falling bricks around her. "I WON'T LEAVE YOU! NOT NOW! NOT EVER!" I yelled._

_"Killian, go," She whispered. "Emma," I begged. "Fine. I need you alive, for Henry," She said. She bit my hand. I woke up before hearing a strangled "I love you," Spill from her mouth._

I woke up, startled. "Emma," I said. I jumped up seeing the coming storm. I rushed out of the door and I was sprinting, I was sprinting for dear life. "EMMA!" I was yelling as I ran down the streets. I ran through the hospital, knocking over trays, and running into people as I bolted through the door into her room. Dr. Whale looked up at me with a sad expression in his eyes. "No," I whispered. "I'm so sorry," He said. I could see he was upset. "WHO DID THIS?" I yelled. Regina and Graham stepped in. "It was the right thing, she was pronounced brain dead Mr. Jones," Regina whispered softly. "It was not your desicion to make." I said in an angry and sad voice.

I felt tears prickle my eyes at the sight of Emma. She would never again look at me the way she did when she was amused, sad or angry. I would never see those beautiful sea eyes again. I would never smell that beautiful scent that was so uniquely EMMA. I would never do any of this because Emma is dead all because I didn't-I didn't reach her time.

* * *

I eventually decided, that after her funeral, I would leave. I would return to Neverland as a broken man. Or maybe I would cross that town line and forget who I am, and be happy. The day of her funeral arrived. The world was dark as a bleak silence ascended upon the town. No person roamed the streets. They were all getting ready for an angel's funeral...someone who died too young. Too fast. To slowly. They say: The good people go sooner, younger.

I stared at my reflection. Sleep had eluded me for the past week. Drunken nights didn't work but they soothed my soul for a few minutes time. I wore my best suit and tie. My hair was shuffled in her favorite way. I looked at the rose and daisy bouquet. I picked it up and headed to my true loves funeral.

* * *

It was solemn. Umbrellas shielded people from the skies tears for Emma. Her coffin was sleek and black. The inside was a navy satin. She was motionless. Her body was a wax doll no longer inhabited. It was dead. Just like her. The pastor stood at the altar. "My dear friends." He began. "Sometimes, we lose each other. We lose ourselves in our selfishness, greed, guilt, regret, but Emma Swan stood for something more. An angel who guided us in darkness." He said. "We all die. The goal isn't to live, it's to create something that will. Emma Swan did just that." He said. "There is a lonliness that only exists in one's mind. The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart and all they can do is stare." He said. He let us approach the body. I looked at her. She was beautiful even in death. Her pale, slender arms laid peacefully over her stomach. Her hands were intertwined and in between was her swan necklace. She wore a deep green ball gown and her hair was spread out around her with small flowers in it. "Hello Emma," Regina started. Regina started to whisper how Henry would-no is, proud of her and how Emma was a better mother than she ever was. I almost believed her. Almost. I watched as Graham promised-asked-for her to wait for him. Bull shit-She didn't love him. She never would again. After all the people who had wanted to speak (bring up Mary Margaret, Gold, Henry etc.)

I walked slowly up to her forever resting form. "Princess we really got ourselves into a wreck now didn't we? The bloody awful pirate is alive and an angel, a savior, is dead." I said. I felt tears well. "But I had hoped that one day, you bought every pretty dress, leather jacket that you had ever wanted. I hoped you had danced around the garden with me and laughed as the sweet breath of time skirts across our faces. I hoped you would smile at the little things, like flowers and the laughter of our children. I hoped you'd find yourself even more, but I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons, most we'll never know. But you won't do any of this. They say my sweetest, that people hurt the ones they love most...you must have loved me just as much as I love you. Emma Swan, I am completely and undeniably in love with you and now you're dead." I whispered softly. "Goodbye my sweetest Emma." I whispered. I placed a kiss to her cold lips. Nothing happened. Maybe I expected her to wake up, like her mother did so long ago. Maybe I had expected something, anything to happen. Because we were kindred spirits. We were true loves but Emma wasn't killed by magic, her death was the product of that. They lowered the coffin later. I never saw her again, or well to what I remember.

* * *

Killian walked across the town line two months later. Colin O'donoghue was a band member who played guitar and had a knack for rum. He was no longer Killian Jones. He was Colin O'donoghue and as far as everyone knew-He had been there forever. Only few knew. The clock struck twelve and didn't move for two years.

* * *

She gasped looking at her surroundings. It was dark, cold and slightly damp. She ran her hands across the barrier. Her eyes adjusted for the darkness that threatened to swallow her whole. Blue satin. She pounded against the coffin. Her body was sluggish. Her head pounded against the confines of her skull which was becoming dizzy. She wondered how she wouldn't remember dying, but she didn't really need to know. She thought about how her life was compiled of sadness and destruction and painful bitter memories. She thought silently, 'But maybe we are more than that. Our lives are haphazard collections of vague images, maybes and dreams.

I'm walking through a house I have dreamt about for a year. I could not know what it would be like to smell the bed sheets freshly laundered, to taste steak sizzling on the stove, to make love on the kitchen table and laugh when we stumble through broken buildings.

Outside it is raining and the lights in here are dim. Every one of my bones feels frozen, as though I've just woken up from a long, long sleep and can't quite figure out what I dreamt and what I felt. Maybe I have. Maybe everything I'm dreaming is something I've just become immersed in.

It's going to rain for the whole weekend, but fourteen hours flight away my father lives in a world that sees rain three days a year, where the heat melts your sandals on the pavement, and shoulders and knees can mean extradition. It's a world I can't imagine, but I'm trying. Trying to imagine the family I would never have. My mother is at home in a place I don't remember the smells of. My cat sleeps on my bed and I can't remember what it feels like to pick her up and hear her purr.

The past is just synapses firing, and the future is just imagination. All we have is the present and it might not be a gift. It might not even be. Beyond our bodies, our experiences mean nothing.

It will keep raining. We could melt away into the gutter and all our memories that we struggle so hard to cling to would melt with us. We're just thought entombed in flesh.

Emma Swan was waking up.

* * *

**AN:/ So the second part of this story is coming soon...it'll just add on to this. I'm just to lazy to make a new story... ;) Anyways Please review and many kisses for the long wait...I had a recent tragedy. Much love. (: **

**-The Canadian Snowflake Birdy XX **


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